Spencer has asked me a few times why I haven't posted anything in a while.
"What am I supposed to say? That I have been running around non-stop, working on the house on the days that I'm not doing hair for 10-12 hours straight?"
"Exactly."
So here I am to tell you things have been a little rough. I know it doesn't mean that this is not exactly what we need to be doing. I know that this harder phase will lead to a simpler, better phase for our family eventually. But when my baby girl is standing crying at me with her arms outstretched, needing to be held and I literally feel like I do NOT have the time, it breaks my heart. Actually, I think I am a little broken today, which is why I sit here on my bed, in just my g's and a t-shirt, ready to cry at the drop of a hat. I am so happy that my darling boy, Spencer, will be home tonight. I can't even say how much I have missed him. I love him, he keeps me centered, stable, he makes me laugh. There is nothing better than having him nearby. It will be so devastating when we have to pack all of his stuff up next week (all of it because he will be living in Hawaii without his darling family who adore him). I think I might just sit in my closet and cry everyday.
I have faith, I really truly do. Heavenly Father led us to this job, we were definitely NOT looking for it. I know there is a plan involved. I know that since that is where we are supposed to be, He will help us find a buyer for our home. I am just a little scared that His timeline and mine won't be very close to each other and I don't know how long I can manage to be sane with the kids and school and work and trying to keep our house from looking dirty with a 2 year old running around playing in the toilets non-stop and throwing food all around. I feel much better for getting this all out (and listening to Kris Allen singing 'To make you feel my love'. You just HAVE to love that song. So beautiful.)
If I don't return your calls quickly, or attend things I should, just know I am doing the very best that I can, and I will get around to it if and when I can.
(I do need to say that in the midst of all this madness, Spencer and I ran our first 1/2 marathon (13.1 miles). We were as slow as turtles since we hadn't been training enough, but we finished it running, together, on our 11th wedding anniversary and so glad we did it. It makes me think that maybe when I am in Hawaii and not working, I just might have some time to train for a Half-Iron man triathlon. We'll see.)
7 comments:
Hang in there Erin. Know that I am just a phone call away. I'll help in any way I can...
Erin, I am so sorry that this has been such a heavy load for you! I know that the Lord does have his hand in this for you, just keep your head up... hey maybe it will surprise you how fast it will sell. I am super excited for this new change for you guys! It will be so much fun! I wish i was there to help you!
Hang in there! It will all work out & I know what you mean that your time frame & the Lord's isn't always the same, but it will be worth it! Hopefully it will all go quickly & you can join Spencer sooner than you think!
I feel your pain Erin--literally. Thanks Heavens we had so many wonderful friends who were able to help me try to finish up Ed's half finished projects. Richard and Carolynn were wonderful. Money was so tight, and we were living on French Toast. I had 6 kids to deal with and Dad's Fibromyalgia was making him very emotional and feeling like he couldn't take being here alone and he would cry (really cry) on thephone about how he should come back (to no job) to California. That was a horrible time. Like you I was exhausted and after I'd play at being strong for Dad, I'd have to go over and talk it over with Nesla in order to get through it all and have a good cry myself. I'm glad you've got so many supportive friends. It helps that Spencer is strong and in a good place. At least his emotional condition won't be one more burden on you.
I hope you get a buyer for the house soon and everything closes quickly (honest and truly I do, even though it mean you will move far away sooner). At least with Skype you can see and hear each other every day. I'm sure that will mean a lot to you and the kids. I love you! *hugs*
My prayers are with you guys!
We love you and you will be amazed at what you accomplished when you are in Hawaii.
Congrats on the half marathon! Congrats on 11 years!
We completely understand about the 2 year old antics! :)
Good luck!
Hey, we figured out how to get blogger setup. Woohoo! I know it will be hard with Spence gone. I wish I was there to help. Remember though that you truly have the strength to carry you through the rough times. I am sure this will be a huge growing experience for you, and will give you much added confidence later on. You are surrounded by people who love and care for you, and they are all willing to help you when it feels like it is too much. Stay strong. We love you.
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